4.03.2013

Date Night Look and Thoughts on Marriage

My husband and I like to have date nights. Who doesn't? A lot of the time though, a little something gets in the way (we will call them Ella and Charlotte) and we can't always sneak away for our date night. (PS- this post is a long one...probably my longest one to date...bear with me!)

Because of that, we have at home date nights. Usually that consists of us waiting until we put the girls to bed to make dinner together or get delivery and have dinner just the two of us. Its so nice to be able to have adult conversation without having to stop every two minutes to pick up a dropped pacifier or answer which My Little Pony is my favorite one for the 100th time. It''s Rarity by the way. I definitely don't dress up as if we were going out somewhere, and sometimes I am in sweatpants, but every once in a while I do attempt to put together something cute!


Outfit Details:
Shirt: Old Navy
Skinnies: Old Navy (similar)
Shoes: Target
Clutch: gifted
Bracelets: GroopDealz, Target



With our date night in mind, we have come a long way, my husband and I, in the almost 13 years we have been together. If you think about it, we were just babies when we met (me 18- him 17). And now here we are adults with children, a mortgage, and real jobs. Yikes! These things, these everyday things that make up our lives are the very things that can get in the way of having the type of marriage you deserve! (enter at home date nights!).

And if I am being honest, I will say marriage is hard. It is work. It takes effort (sometimes effort you want to put in, other times, not).

A few weeks ago, Giuliana Rancic got some major backlash because she said "we put our marriage first and our child second." My very first thought when I read that was "hey us too!"

I was baffled. BAFFLED as to why people were pitching a fit. Yes, she is a celebrity, and yes, she put it out there. But really...does it matter to you, or affect you in any way, shape or form as to how her marriage is?

She is on to something, that gorgeous fashionista that she is! I couldn't agree with her more!

My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years (April 23....hollaaaaa!!!). I am lucky that I married such an amazing person. Its crazy to me that he still adores me so much after being with me for so long, through thick and thin (literally and figuratively). I adore him. I don't laugh with anyone as much as I laugh with him. He is the cheese to my macaroni. But is our marriage perfect? No. Is he perfect? No. Am I perfect? Not even close. I would say my husband is more perfect than I am!

Have we had our ups and downs? Of course. When you are with someone for over 12 years, married for 8 and live and (partly) work together, you are going to have peaks and valleys and get on each others nerves. No doubt.

Enter children. Oh children. How you put a damper on quality alone time (wink wink) and date nights, and just adult conversation. It is SO easy to lose sight of why you fell in love in the first place and why you married each other in the first place. Children (and sometimes other things like careers for those that don't have children yet) get in the way and sort of give you that tunnel vision that causes you to lose sight. The diaper changing, the sleepless nights, the Barbie playing!

Over the years we have made it a point to make each other a priority and to put our marriage first. Yes, that's right. Our marriage comes before our children. Do we love them any less than a couple that puts their children first? Absolutely not. I love my girls more than I ever imagined and, like most parents, would do anything and everything to protect, nurture, and love them. They, along with my husband are my world.  But yes, my marriage comes first. I know not everyone agrees. To each his own. But for me, it makes me a better parent.

To me, putting your spouse and your marriage first is one of the best things you can do for your children. My parents have been married for almost 40 years, and my in laws for just about the same. We've been blessed to have their marriages (and the marriages of both of our extended family) as a solid foundation to learn from. I am so thankful for that. Did I ever feel deprived of my parents love and support or feel like they put themselves first? Never once. I think because of the fact that my parents put themselves first contributed to the fact that my family is and was always affectionate- always saying I love you, always giving each other a hello/good bye hug and kiss. (something my husband had to get used to, but definitely embraced it!). That now shows through my 5 year old. Out of the blue she will just say "Mommy, I love you." I like to believe its because she sees me say it to my husband, and him to me quite frequently. We don't just save them for the hello's and goodbye's.

I love that my girls actually see my husband putting me first (and me, putting him first. Is it 24/7? No, not always, and that's ok), and giving me hello and good bye kisses and telling me he loves me. Again, its not always like that. There are definitely times where we find ourselves headed into a disagreement and we stop ourselves and decide to finish later when our girls aren't around.  They don't need to see us argue (although I don't mind them being around if we are having a mature, adult, disagreement/discussion from time to time. It's healthy I think for them to see how we can still treat each other with respect yet disagree).

When reading about this whole "marriage first" though, I found this....

After years of biological research, a Christian biologist John Medina answered the question "What's the most important thing I can do as a father?" His answer?

"Go home and love your wife." source

I couldn't agree more.

So go set a date night with your spouse. Its important to each other, your marriage, your children. Don't feel guilty for spending an evening away from your kids, or even a weekend. Before we had kids we used to think "how can people be away from their children for so long for a trip or a vacation? That is awful!" I get it now. I totally get it. Book me that weekend getaway or those dinner reservations! Let me put it out there though that when I do say we put our marriage first there will never be a "sorry Ella or Charlotte we can't make your music concert we have a date that night."

One of the best lessons I can teach my girls is modeling a good, healthy marriage and home (and yes, that includes disagreements and imperfections). And to do that, I put my marriage first. I benefit, my husband benefits, our children benefit.

Hopefully there is someone reading this that can relate and feels the same way!

Linking up today with Style SessionsThe Pleated Poppy and Because Shanna Said So




21 comments:

  1. I think I put my daughter first a lot of the time but so does my husband. She is our #1. Hm... I will have to think about this!

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  2. You are adorable. I love these colors together!

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    1. Aw thanks so much! I am partial to these colors too!

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  3. Could NOT agree more!!! Do I practice this all the time....um ya...not so much! This is a good reminder!!!! GREAT post!!

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    1. Yeah we find ourselves sometimes slipping and have to get back in the groove! Always a work in progress! Thanks so much!

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  4. I totally agree. In addition to 1,000,000,000 other things, we teach our children about marriage through modeling. If it's OK to put children ahead of a marriage, what else can come first? A career? A hobby? Your own parents?

    Having a strong marriage at the center of a household also teaches your children to respect you and your time. You're not automatically available to address every want and need. There is no "ganging up" of one spouse + child against the other spouse.

    Also, I love your pants. Not related, but needed to mention it.

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    1. Hahaha glad you love my pants! They are so comfy!

      Our daughter sometimes gets upset when we aren't actually eating dinner with her on our date nights (we will still sit with her of course), but we just explain over and over again why we have a date night!

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  5. I love this look Rebecca. Spring color-blocking at its best. Nothing says Spring better than Turquoise and Coral, especially paired together. I will feature this look on my blog soon, so stay tuned for that.

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  6. And I had a Date Look on my blog yesterday and was talking about dates. They are certainly hard when you have kids, especially a little baby, like in our case. =) You looked Gorgeous on your date.

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    1. Thanks so much! Hope your little one is doing well! :)

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  7. I love that shirt and your necklace!

    Dropping in from the link-up!

    Sheena
    http://sheenaashlock.blogspot.com/

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  8. Oh Becky, we follow these same principles. You couldn't have said it better! I actually read a negative comment (toward Giuliana) that said your husband may not be around forever, but your child will....hmm, maybe b/c you didn't put enough effort into your marriage?? Thanks for the great reminder :)

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    1. Thanks :) I seriously couldn't believe all of the negative comments! It was ridiculous! You are so right though...your husband won't be around forever because you probably didn't put in the effort OR you put your child first. That lady obviously didn't have "til death do us part" in her vows! Girl if we lived closer we'd be bf's!!

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  9. Could not agree more! This would actually be the theme of my blog if I ever start one. Our children are to be so well loved on by both parents, but if our marriage is not good, we are not doing right by our kids at all. And you are so right about putting effort into dates (at home or out) during these "little years" to keep investing in each other as a couple. Life long marriages are a heritage we do pass on and I believe it gets richer by the years, so I am looking forward to the future! Now I gotta go for our date night to watch "Nashville" and eat cereal ;-) Blessings on you! Thanks for writing this!

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    1. So true. Its always a shame to me when I hear of kids being glad their parents got divorced because the household is happier that way. The "little years" are the ones that count- when the children grow up and move out, you still want to be married to your spouse...not just room mates! I LOVE how you said life long marriages are heritages....couldn't have said it better myself :) Hope you enjoyed your date ;)

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  11. Becky- I don't have kids, but I agree with what you said anyway :) Since the plan is "til death do us part" for our marriages, but we plan on only having children in the house for 18 years, you gotta make sure you still like the person you're going to Empty Nest with, am I right? Also, on another note- you look like your "baby weight" you posted about before is melting away! Whatever you're doing- looks like you're getting your body back quickly! You should do a post about that :)--Katie Leatherman

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    1. You are so right- its always a shame to see people end their marriage after they become empty nesters because they are co-existing!

      And thanks for the compliment. I still have a loooooong way to go to get where I was but I am trying. People weren't kidding when they said its harder after the second one! I'm like yeah right you're crazy! But now that I am there I'm like...oh wait...maybe you were right....crap. Hehehehehe :) Hope to see you soon!!

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  12. Great outfit. The colors look amazing together. I'd love if you'd link up to My Style Monday! http://fashionsgreatesthits.blogspot.com/2013/04/my-style-monday_8.html

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  13. Love the bright colors! :)

    www.satinandscotch.com

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