If you have been a reader of mine for a while, or know me personally, then this should come to no surprise to you-I have issues with my weight. Always have. I have been everything from a size 2, to a 14, everything in between (numerous times) and currently holding strong at a solid size 12. My life literally revolves around my weight and what I eat/don't eat. (as I read this, sounds like I could benefit from a therapist, right? lol....) The funny thing is though, no matter what size I am/have been, I am/was never happy with it-I could always be smaller, thinner, more fit. I've been happy and I've been sad as a size 2. I've been happy and I've been sad as a size 12.
You see, I eat my feelings. I always have. Happy? Let's celebrate by eating a piece of cake. Stressed? Let me just swing by McDonald's for a number 2. Bad mood? Let me just pop a bag of movie theater butter popcorn and dig in. Worried? What cures your worries more than a sleeve of Oreos? It's like when I am eating all of this crap, or even when I am literally in the middle of buying this crap I have the same conversation with myself "you are going to be so mad at yourself after you eat this" "shut up I will deal with it then" "ok I'm just letting you know you are going to be so pissed at yourself." "whatev I'm eating it."
I've always known as I've gotten bigger that I should lose weight. It's not like I'm oblivious or anything to the fact that I have some lb's to lose. I mean really...I would have to be dumb and blind to not know. At this point though I know I need to lose weight to be healthier than I am, not just to be skinny. I base my worth on my weight though. I know-terrible. Awful. Not right. I base how I am/should be as a Mommy, a wife, a business owner, etc. on my weight....I am overweight, and could be/should be smaller, so I don't deserve all that I have, or I am not as good of a Mom as I should be because of my size. Why? Society. Media. My own, twisted mind maybe?
I've noticed over the last several months that there is somewhat of a 'curvy' movement, if you will. You've been seeing more curvy, plus size gals gracing the covers of magazines, features, articles, etc. Along with all of those pictures is "good for her!" "so brave of her to be in a magazine in a bikini!"
While I think it's great that more women of varying sizes are finally gracing the covers and pages of magazines, I still kind of feel like WHAT THE EFF. WHO CARES. Who cares that she is plus size. Who cares that she is curvy. Who cares that she is not a size 2, or 'sample size' in the modeling world. It is ridiculous that we live in a world where someone is considered brave for being on the cover of a magazine when they are a size 14 or 16, or anything other than a sample size. She is beautiful, regardless of her size.
I think I have been paying more attention to this curvy movement because I am curvy. I am plus size. It's been in the last several months that it's actually sunk in that I am a 'curvy girl' or whatever phrase you want to use. I don't know, I guess because I see myself every day, and in my mind I am still my body's 'happy weight' of a size 6/8 I never really thought of myself as plus size.
Then all of a sudden, I started to get emails and comments along the lines of: "I love that you aren't skinny!" Ummm....thanks? "For being curvy you are so pretty!" Wait why not just say "you are beautiful!" and ditch the "for being curvy" part?
I guess what sort of made me lose my breath a little is seeing a pin of mine on Pinterest that has been repinned (numerous times) under "plus size fashion." I'm not going to lie, seeing that for the first time stung a little-a lot, actually. Me? Plus size? Since when?
I'm not writing this to get sympathy, for you to feel bad for me, or to try and get compliments. I am writing this because why can't we just ditch the labels? WHY. Why does someone have to be "plus size supermodel so-and-so" or "curvy blogger so-and-so" You don't see models in straight sizes being called "sample size model so-and-so" or "skinny model so-and-so." Am I right? Yes. Yes, I am right.
Seriously-why label? I know I am guilty of this-I've most likely labeled myself before. I guess that's society rubbing off on me. Which kind of sucks. Why can't I just be fashion/style blogger, Mommy, wife, sister, friend, business owner, daughter, etc. Why do I have to have 'curvy' or 'plus size' in front of my name? I am the same me, the same person, regardless of my damn size. And so are you.
I am not ashamed to be called curvy or plus size. I don't want it to come across like that. I am just done with the labels. Can't we just drop them and move on? So what if there is a size 14 model in a bikini on the cover of a magazine. So what if there is a size 2 model in a on the cover of a magazine.
Can't we just leave it at that? All bodies are good bodies. If this ruffles some feathers, then so be it-I just want the labels dropped. And if you are going to label someone, how about smart, beautiful, sexy, kind, intelligent, funny, stylish, a great mom, a best friend!
I realize this post is all over the place...I guess I just have a lot on my mind, a lot to say, and I am sharing this in the hopes that someone is going through the same thing, or feels the same way I do. If there is just one person, then this post served it's purpose.